How to play the spin-the-haze game
How corrupt Southeast Asian governments, their cronies and the media play the Spin-The-Haze Game annually:
- Roll dice, then blame Indonesian player for cheating.
- Indonesian player blames Malaysian and Singaporean players instead and asks them to be “Sent To Jail.”
- Malaysian and Singaporean players roll dice, move two steps forward, deny Indonesian claim, instead point fingers at errant nearby farmers and smallholders encroaching on their Rented Property.
- Players land on Chance, take card, which reads: “Banker calls to form ASEAN task force to formulate joint-action plans that never work.” (May include trip to Russia for ‘lawatan sambil belajar’ ie. junket)
- Players land on Community Chest, take card, which reads: “Close airports, tourism spots and schools; ban open burning.”
- After one round, all players then decry loss of tourism dollars; students losing valuable schooling time; and empathise with poor slash-and-burn farmers.
- Players land on Community Chest again, take card, which reads: “Distribute masks to motorists, students, street workers, tourists etc in big show just for media coverage.”
- Media players join game and covers how haze is affecting children, the elderly, asthmatics, zoo animals, pets, birds, construction workers, window cleaners, etc.
- Citizens join game and debate why use of N95 masks is more effective than surgical masks ad infinitum; debate accuracy of API/PSI pollutant readings ad nauseum.
- Media players list ten ways to fight haze — always conclude with ‘drink more water’ advice; point to dangers of cancer risk 15 years from now, even though 15 years have passed.
- Opposition players join game and calls for haze to be urgently debated in parliament and fines imposed on offending players. Incumbents downplay issues and ignore opposition players.
- Two months later, haze lifts, all is forgotten, incumbent players pass Go, collect $200, get more loans from Banker and the next year, they roll the dice again.
